If You Could Read My Mind
by mackitten
Summary: [slash] Remus goes to stay with Sirius over the summer after their 6th year. What he doesn't realize is that Sirius harbours nonplatonic feelings for him, and what he doesn't foresee is that his feelings may change as well. If only they could read eachot
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This was actually conceived before 'Under the Willow' and I just returned to it rather recently. It's by no means finished, but I'm rather anxious to post it because I quite enjoy it and want to see what you think. If you don't like it, I won't be heartbroken though.  
  
This is rated **R** for sexuality (what else?) and is **SLASH**. Please read at your own discretion.  
  
Cheers  
Kat

ps. I do not own any of the very endearing characters, they are all property of Ms. JK Rowling.

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If You Could Read My Mind

Remus Lupin had a fleeting thought of '_damn portkeys'_ before the ground rose to meet him as he fell face first down the last three cement stairs. Luckily, grass cushioned his fall and he escaped with minor bruises. His trunk, however, was not as fortunate. It had popped open with the fall and now his belongings were spread rather embarrassingly all over the pavement. He picked up his trousers and underwear while grumbling about stairs, trunks, portkeys, and other miscellaneous things not really worth grumbling over.

He had never particularly liked portkeys, but it was his only option, as he had missed the Hogwarts Express from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It just so happened that the full moon was a couple days after school let out, and Dumbledore had arranged for Remus to stay for a couple days and then he had set up a portkey to take Remus from Hogwarts to Sirius' flat in London, where he now found himself picking his clothing off the cracked pavement. He wished the portkey hadn't transported him straight to the edge of the stairs outside Sirius' flat, but was reluctantly thankful for the portkey nonetheless.

For the first time, Remus wasn't be spending summer holidays with his parents. He had received an apprenticeship for the holidays working under one of the Ministry's Aurors, Elyse Delacroix. He had Dumbledore to thank for this. The Headmaster had written Remus an excellent reference letter that had helped convince the ministry not only that Remus was an excellent student, but also that his lycanthropy wouldn't be a problem. Unfortunately, this meant he would be spending the summer in London, not at his parent's home in Hampshire. At first Remus had fretted about finding a place to stay, and had almost refused the apprenticeship, but Sirius had at once offered his newly rented flat and Remus had of course accepted.

Now, Remus stared down at the small piece of paper in his hands. _321 Brumble St. Apt. 3, Rm. 4._ It was in Sirius' nearly illegible, scribbled writing, but Remus could read it after six years of practice. He opened the heavy front door, and headed up the stairs, silently cursing whoever made the rule about not using magic outside school. His trunk clunked on every stair as he dragged it behind him. Out of patience and out of breath, he arrived at Sirius' door. Number Four. He knocked.

Inside, Sirius was reclining on the newly purchased orange corduroy pull-out sofa. He had bought it with Remus in mind, knowing that his werewolf friend was going to be spending the summer with him. A polite knock made Sirius cock his head, like the dog he sometimes transformed into. He bounded off the couch and to the front door (approximately four steps when running).

"Moony!" he shouted, a silly grin on his face. Remus returned his grin with his own wry smile, a smile Sirius knew meant that he was tired, and most likely annoyed. Nonetheless, Sirius embraced him quickly before grabbing his trunk with seemingly no effort.

"Nice place, Padfoot," Lupin nodded in appreciation. Although the flat was small, it had anything a couple of bachelors would need: a kitchen, bathroom, living room complete with telly and a bedroom. There was only one bedroom, but Remus had insisted that he sleep on the couch and Sirius stay in his bed. Sirius had reluctantly agreed, but had bought the pull-out couch as a consolation prize.

Sirius had tossed Remus' trunk beside the corduroy couch and was now reclining in the same spot he had been just moments before. Remus sat down beside him, his body sinking into the plush fabric.

"You dig?" Sirius asked, indicating the corduroy couch.

Remus nodded. He let his head rest back on the couch and closed his eyes briefly. Sirius shook him lightly with his left hand.

"I'm awake, I'm awake," he groaned.

"When does your apprenticeship thingie start?"

"Next week. Monday."

Sirius did some mental calculations. "Four days."

"Four days," Remus repeated.

"Great. Four days for us to run around London before you have to get serious."

"Sounds good. Do you mind terribly if I take a nap first?"

Sirius gave him a half smile and shook his head. His dark hair fell into his face. "No, go ahead Moony. I'll keep myself occupied."

Remus thought of a few choice comments he could reply with, but instead closed his eyes and stretched out on the comfortable sofa. Sirius watched him for a few minutes from across the room before Remus opened one eye and told him to stop staring. Sirius just grinned, but went into the kitchen nonetheless. He poked around and realized with embarrassment that he had forgotten to buy extra groceries for his guest. Grabbing his wallet from his nightstand, he went out of the flat, locking the door behind him.

Remus awoke to the smell of teriyaki stir fry coming from the kitchen. He got up slowly, bracing himself for the dizziness that usually accompanied getting up too fast, especially right after a full moon. He padded to the kitchen in his socks.

"Padfoot, you've outdone yourself," Remus remarked when he saw Sirius concentrating on his vegetarian stir fry.

"Good, you're up," Sirius said, ignoring the previous comment. He turned his gaze to Remus briefly and smiled at how his light brown hair fell into his eyes. He had forgotten how adorable Remus looked when he first got up.

"Plates?" Remus asked.

Sirius pointed to a cupboard while turning off the stove. He removed his apron and hung it haphazardly off of a cupboard. He grabbed a fork for himself and chop sticks for Remus.

"You remembered," Remus smiled as Sirius set down the chopsticks.

"Yeah, I have a weird memory," Sirius replied uneasily. What that really meant was that he tended to remember strange details about Remus that were really quite insignificant but important at the same time. For instance, the fact that Remus had recently become a vegetarian, or that he preferred eating stir fry with chopsticks. Sirius remembered the first time in the Great Hall he had seen Remus eating with chopsticks. He had stared as Remus gracefully ate his stir fry. He himself was having trouble managing with a fork, let alone chopsticks, but Remus had used chopsticks like second nature. This was one of the many details that stuck in Sirius' mind when it came to Remus.

They ate mainly in silence, with Sirius asking about the full moon, about Dumbledore and about everything else. Remus replied honestly, not delving into too much detail in true Remus Lupin style. As they were eating, there was a pecking on the side of the open window. Sirius got up and let in the tanned owl.

"Dumbledore," Sirius said when he saw Remus looking at him quizzically.

"Want to know if I got here all right?"

Sirius nodded, and grabbed a quill from behind his ear that Remus hadn't noticed earlier. Sirius scribbled a reply and gave it back to the owl. The owl took off and Sirius watched it briefly before returning to dinner.

"So, after dinner you and I should go to the pub down the street," Sirius suggested.

"Yeah," Remus agreed, "I feel like I could use a drink."

"Then drink we will," Sirius said with a grin.

A few hours later the seventeen year olds found themselves in the pub down the street. It was rather full for a Thursday night, but Remus and Sirius didn't mind. It made it easier for them to fit in amongst the muggles. Several shots later and Sirius was quite tipsy while Remus was positively smashed.

"You know," Sirius was saying, "We don't drink enough."

"Tha's true, Padfoot. We should drink more. Drink lots," Remus replied, using hand gestures to get the point across. He didn't look up when a dark haired woman sat down beside him. At least not until she placed her hand on his arm, causing him to turn towards her quite sharply.

"Hi there," she smiled.

"Hullo."

"I'm Carissa," she told him, the smile still on her face.

"Remus. This is Sirius," Remus introduced, motioning to Sirius beside him at the bar.

Carissa giggled. "You have funny names."

Remus shrugged and retorted, "You do."

"You're cute. Want to buy me a drink?"

"No, we were jus' leaving. Sorry," Remus said standing up. This proved to be too much for the intoxicated werewolf as he almost fell over. Luckily Sirius reached out his arm and caught Remus before he fell over completely. Sirius stood up, more successfully than his friend, and pulled out a few bills. Remus went to do the same, but Sirius stopped him by placing a hand on his arm.

"I've got this one."

"No, i's alright," Remus slurred.

"No, no. I've got it," Padfoot grinned at his drunken friend.

"Okay, okay." Remus hastily put the money away and the two left, leaning on one another. Carissa watched them leave with a bit of a smile before she went back to her drink.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm drunk." Remus giggled uncharacteristically while Sirius struggled with his keys.

"I think so too," he agreed. "You giggle when you're drunk."

Remus giggled again and Sirius laughed at him while he leaned on the door, prompting it to open.

"Okay, you sleep here." Sirius pointed towards the sofa.

Remus nodded and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt before giving up and collapsing on the sofa. Sirius was compelled to collapse alongside him, but forced himself to his own bed after grabbing a glass of water. A small trail of spilled water lead from the kitchen to his bedroom, a telltale sign of his inebriation. After downing the water in one gulp, he tore off his clothes and fell on the bed. His eyes closed as his head hit the pillow, and he fell asleep very shortly after.

The next few days followed the same itinerary. The boys slept in, got up and toured London (Sirius pointed out all the great sites to an enthralled Remus who had only been to London briefly in the past), had dinner, and then settled at the pub where they usually drank too much for their own good. Usually a few women tried to pick up either of them, but so far had been unsuccessful. Remus wasn't comfortable going home with a strange woman, and Sirius wasn't comfortable leaving his friend alone in a strange pub. Sirius didn't mind though, Remus was good company. Only James knew him better than Remus and as James was miles away, Sirius was determined to spend all the time he could with Remus before he started working.

Monday came too soon. Sirius chuckled as Remus fluttered about the room, making sure he had everything.

"So," Sirius said, looking at his watch, "It's one o'clock now. You're leaving in fifteen minutes?"

Remus nodded nervously.

"And you're home around ten?"

"Approximately. We're doing the evening shift. She said sometimes things go well and I may be home early. Sometimes things go badly and I may have to stay late. At least I'm not on the graveyard shift though."

"Yeah, that's true," Sirius said pensively. "Listen, I may be out when you get home, but just let yourself in and don't wait up."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to see Natasha, that girl we met last night," Sirius explained.

"Ahh. Well, you kids have fun," Remus grinned.

"You too. Good luck tonight." Sirius patted him on the back before Remus slipped out the door, closing it behind him.

Eight hours later, almost to the minute, Remus let himself in to his new home for the next few months. He tossed his shoes by the door and was just unbuttoning his shirt to take a shower when he heard a noise that sounded like a female voice. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He walked quietly down the hall and discerned that the female was in Sirius' room.

The door was opened enough for Remus to peek in and get quite an eyeful. Not only did he see who the voice belonged to, he saw her straddling his best friend, completely nude. Now, it wasn't that Remus was particularly nosy, or that he wanted to spy on his best friend, it was just that it's not every day that you see a beautiful naked woman in your flat. Or at least you don't if you're Remus Lupin.

The woman, who Remus could only assume was Natasha, rolled onto her back. Her long dark hair, almost the same colour as Sirius', fell across the pillow in thick curls. Remus felt the heat rising to his face and felt compelled to look away. As he averted his eyes, however, he averted them upwards and his gaze fell on Sirius.

Remus had seen Sirius naked on a number of occasions, it was unavoidable when one lived in a dormitory with four other boys. Seeing Sirius naked as he was changing clothes though, and seeing him naked as he made love to a woman, were two very different things. Remus watched the arch of his back change with his movement. He saw the way Sirius' bit his bottom lip with effort and the way he let his head roll back. Natasha had her legs wrapped around Sirius' slender waist, her small feet moving up and down with his thrusting. Their breathing was laboured, but almost harmonious and Remus felt hypnotized just listening to the sound of it. A loud expression of pleasure in the form of Natasha moaning brought Remus back down to reality and he quickly moved away from Sirius' door and into the bathroom across the hall.

His chest heaved as he replayed in his mind what he had just witnessed. He locked the door before taking off his clothes hastily and turning the shower to a colder setting. He was just getting in when there was a knock at the door.

"Hey, Moony?"

"Yeah?" Remus called back. He tried to picture Sirius clothed on the other side of the door but all he could see was Sirius naked, despite his best efforts otherwise.

"You busy?"

"I'm having a shower, I'll just be a minute," Remus replied quickly and got into the shower, pulling the curtain closed behind him. He showered quickly, as promised, and wrapped himself in his white bathrobe.

"I'm all done," he called through Sirius' door on his way to the living room.

There was a momentary pause, and then, "Okay."

Remus padded down the hall, barefoot and carrying his clothes. He changed into his pyjama bottoms in the far corner of the living room, out of sight from the hallway. As he was crawling under the covers on the pull-out couch, he heard Sirius and Natasha coming down the hall. Remus rolled over quickly and closed his eyes, feigning sleep. He heard murmured conversation and then the lock clicking as it slid into place.

The weight on the couch shifted as Sirius sat down on the couch beside Remus. Remus kept his eyes shut in an effort to keep up the façade of sleep.

"Oh, give it up. I know you're not sleeping," Sirius chuckled as he shoved Remus lightly.

"Well, if I was, I wouldn't be anymore," Remus groaned as he rolled over to face Sirius.

"You got home early," Sirius said, a little uneasily. "How was work?"

"It went well," Remus said, stifling a yawn. "How was Natasha? I mean, how did the date or whatever go?"

Remus was thankful only the kitchen light was on so that Sirius couldn't see the red creeping into his face at the thought of Natasha, and Sirius. Would these mental images ever stop shifting through his head?

"Oh, she's fine," Sirius shrugged. "We were supposed to go back to her place, but then we went out and she wanted to come back here."

"Ahh," Remus said. There was uncomfortable silence between them.

"Well, goodnight then," Sirius said quickly and rose from the bed.

"'Night," Remus replied and rolled over. He tried in vain to think of anything else except Sirius (Natasha had disappeared completely from the mental images). Eventually he fell into a restless sleep and woke the next morning to his alarm at eleven am.

Sirius was already awake and eating cereal at the counter. He was still in his bathrobe which hung lazily around his figure. The tie was slowly sliding out of its knot, threatening to come undone, as Remus noticed when Sirius stood to put the dishes in the sink. He blinked twice and proceeded to make up the couch.

"I'm sorry about last night," Sirius said awkwardly. "I hope we weren't too loud."

Remus shook his head. "It's your flat," he pointed out.

"Well, it's _our_ flat for the summer," Sirius smiled. He then proceeded to curse himself silently for the previous comment. _Our flat?_ _Could you be any more obvious?_ Sirius let himself fall into a familiar daydream of himself and Remus sharing a flat, but more than that, sharing a bedroom. Sharing a bed.

Sirius turned his attention towards his breakfast dishes, but made the unfortunate (or perhaps fortunate, he reflected later), mistake of turning around as Remus was standing in his boxer shorts, deciding which pants to wear. Sirius tilted his head slightly as he studied Remus' figure. He was slender, but not overly thin. There were a couple of visible scars on his back, but most of them had disappeared due to Madam Pomfry's care. Sirius let his eyes travel down one of the longer scars that ran from halfway down Remus' back to somewhere under Remus' boxer shorts...

Remus turned suddenly, as if sensing someone watching him. There was a loud crash as Sirius dropped the bowl he had been drying.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked immediately. He hurried over to help Sirius pick up the broken bits of glass.

"Yeah, there's just a bit –"Sirius pulled out a shard of glass – "In my foot."

Remus frowned as he studied Sirius' wounded foot.

"Here, let me grab a bandage," Remus said as he went back to the living room. Sirius continued to pick up the glass carefully and tossed it in the rubbage bin. He shook his head, wondering what had got into him. Well, actually, he knew what had got into him. It had been there since last year. He had tried to shake it, tried to deny it, had even tried going out with other people, but the fact of the matter was that he had a crush on the rather sweet boy who had just returned with bandages.

Remus cleaned and bandaged Sirius' foot like someone who had had lots of practice bandaging wounds, which of course he had.

"There you go," he said as he patted Sirius' foot gently. "Now, whatever possessed you to drop a bowl?"

"Oh you know me. I'm just clumsy," Sirius shrugged. He noticed that Remus was still not dressed and forced himself to look away. At this rate, he would break all the dishes in the flat. He rested in one of the kitchen chairs and reclined his foot on the other while Remus dressed after deciding which pants he was going to wear.

"I'll see you tonight," Remus called as he made his way to the door.

Sirius watched him leave with a sigh. Another eight hours to kill until Remus would be home again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

"How did you get so good at cooking?" Remus asked Sirius one night as they were settling down to dinner.

Sirius shrugged and answered him in between mouthfuls of steamed vegetables. "House elves, I guess. Sure, they were psychotic but not as psychotic as Mum. Better staying in the kitchen where she and Dad never went than getting in their way."

Remus nodded, not really knowing what else to say.

"She was sweet, our one house elf, Jingle," Sirius said with a wistful smile. "Of course, she died last year and had the _honour_ of having her head mounted on the wall."

Remus swallowed visibly. "Is that…er… normal?"

"Just another Black tradition!" Sirius declared with a forced grin. He gathered up the dishes with more noise than was strictly necessary and Remus flinched every time the china clanged together.

"Let's go out tonight," Remus said over the clatter of Sirius throwing dishes in the sink.

"Out?" Sirius turned his head towards Remus in interest.

"Yeah, out. I'm tired of staying in all the time." Remus failed to mention the real motivation consisted of how stir crazy Sirius got when he was kept indoors too long. He figured it wasn't strictly necessary.

"Let's go to a club!" Sirius exclaimed, his eyes alight. He had abandoned the dishes in the sink, like always, (_They need soaking Moony!_) and was now perched on the kitchen counter smiling, all previous thoughts of decapitated house elves seemingly forgotten.

"A club?" Remus said reluctantly.

"Yeah, a club. You'll like it, I promise," Sirius said with a smile and Remus couldn't quite bring himself to say no. He had been working so much this past week that they had barely seen each other, let alone spent quality time together. Although nearly all thoughts at work not spent on dark wizards were spent on a certain dark haired wizard, it wasn't quite the same as spending time with him.

"I don't have anything to wear," Remus pointed out. Sirius looked him up and down and gave a light sigh of disappointment.

"Nonsense, Moony. You can borrow some clothes."

"Er…," Remus tried to think of an argument but Sirius was always one step ahead of him. This time, literally, and Remus hurried to keep up with him as he bounded off to his bedroom.

"Perfect!" Sirius said with satisfaction a few moments later.

"You want me to wear…_that_?" Remus asked, disbelief written all over his face.

_That_ was a brightly patterned shirt and dark blue bellbottoms.

"It's not on," Remus said, shaking his head.

"Okay, fine," Sirius sighed. "How about this then?"

He pulled out a striped rugby shirt in Gryffindor colours. Remus considered it and finally nodded. It was better than one of his own sweaters, he admitted. He grabbed the clothing and went out to the living room to change.

A few moments later Sirius came out and Remus just stared. The thing about Sirius, Remus realized, was that he had mastered the art of understated sexiness. He now realized why all the girls in Hogwarts were after him. It was because he could make anything (including the Gryffindor uniform) sexy. Right now he was in a white Hogwarts dress shirt, with the sleeves rolled up. Instead of the red and gold Gryffindor tie though, he had opted for a skinny black one to match his tight black trousers. Remus kept staring until Sirius gave him a look of confusion.

"Do I have something on my shirt?" Sirius asked and looked down self -consciously. Remus shook his head and went to the door, not pausing to see if Sirius was behind him. The club was, if nothing else, loud. Remus cringed as soon as they entered but soon adjusted as they made their way up to the bar. Sirius ordered for the both of them while Remus waited out of the throngs of people. He came back with four shots.

"I didn't want to go up there again," Sirius explained, shouting over the music. Remus nodded and took the shots back to back. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

The club, he found, wasn't as awful as he had anticipated. The music was bearable and it was dark enough so that he could still see Sirius, but his flushed cheeks could either be ignored or attributed to the alcohol. The heat, Remus admitted to himself, didn't quite account for all the discomfort he was experiencing. It didn't even account for half.

The fact that Sirius was so at ease here made Remus feel less self conscious and soon they were on the dance floor, dancing with a couple of girls from Glasgow. It had taken four shouts to figure out where they were from, and after the second Remus realized that he really wasn't interested anyway.As Sirius danced, he loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt. Remus couldn't take his eyes off him. One of the girls, the blonde one as Remus knew her, wrapped Sirius' tie around her hand and pulled him closer against her. The brunette (she was either Carol or Meryl) beside Remus smiled at him and rolled her eyes at her friend. Remus chuckled and glanced over at Sirius. His eyes were closed, his lashes laying dark against his flushed skin. Remus couldn't be sure if it was the alcohol or the light of the disco ball, but something shimmered and reflected off his skin, making him seem like he was glowing. His eyes suddenly opened and met Remus'. Remus looked away quickly and interlocked his fingers with the Carol/Meryl/Beryl. He pulled her towards him without thinking and she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck.

Sirius shouted something to him and motioned towards the tables. Remus nodded and went to follow but Sirius held up his hand, gesturing for him to stay with the brunette. Remus nodded again, finding no use in shouting. Beryl (he had heard the blonde call her), kept her arms wrapped around him and he rested his hands tentatively on her hips. He could feel her breathing hot against his collarbone as they moved against one another. As he closed his eyes, it was all too easy to imagine the hot breath was someone else's. With only slightly more effort, breasts could be forgotten and brown hair turned black as it touched his neck.

He felt himself growing hard as she ground her body against him. He opened his eyes and they immediately fell on Sirius sitting at a table across the room. Sirius was staring at him, watching him, and this sent a thrill through his body. He was achingly hard against her as he ran his hands up and down her back, all the while keeping his eyes on Sirius. He wondered briefly why Sirius kept staring at him and if he was trying to tell him something. Beryl kissed down his neck and undid the top button of his shirt. He kissed the top of her head absently and Sirius stood up from the table suddenly, the chair falling over behind him. Remus' hands stopped moving as he watched Sirius walk away into another room.

Beryl was saying something in his ear, but he wasn't listening. She was just extra noise. He muttered that he'd be right back as he untangled her arms from around his neck. She looked rather affronted, but let him leave her standing in the middle of the dance floor amongst the other illuminated dancers.

Remus scanned the room quickly but didn't see Sirius. He checked near the bar before looping back to the table where he had last seen him. Sirius was standing near the table again, his hand resting easily on the chair that had been righted.

"Where you been?" Sirius asked with a false smile that Remus saw right through immediately.

"Looking for you."

"I just went to the loo," Sirius said. "You and Beryl seemed to be getting along."

"Yeah, uh, we were," Remus replied awkwardly, still aware of his hard on, which was probably quite visible in these tight pants. If Sirius noticed, he didn't say anything, and Remus didn't mention it.

"Did you want to bring her back?" Sirius asked while running a hand through his sweaty hair. The black tie hung limply around his neck and the top two buttons had been undone, although by him or the blonde, Remus didn't know.

"Oh no, I'm rather tired, actually," Remus said with an apologetic smile.

"Me too, let's go," Sirius said quickly and lead led the way out of the loud, crowded club.

The outside air felt cool on their sweat covered skin. The moon was almost full and Remus felt dread sink low in his stomach like it always did when he thought of his transformation. He was brought out of his thoughts, however, by Sirius laughing.

"What?"

"You've got," Sirius pointed towards Remus, "lipstick on your neck there."

Remus cursed as he felt himself go red. He wiped his neck with his sleeve. "Okay?"

"No, it's…," Sirius trailed off as he came closer. He unrolled his right sleeve and used it to wipe the dark red lipstick off Remus' neck. Remus was surprised at how gentle he was, and how fast his breathing was coming. _He must be hot from the club, still,_ he told himself. He stood absolutely still as Sirius rubbed at his neck, trying to get the evidence off.

"There," Sirius said as he stepped back.

"You've got lipstick on your shirt now," Remus pointed out.

"Oh, it comes out," Sirius replied with a knowing smile. Remus laughed and fell into step with him as they walked home.

"So, what happened to the blonde?" he asked.

"Oh, she got bored and went elsewhere," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Bored with you?" Remus repeated, in slight disbelief. He had heard a lot of complaints from women concerning Sirius Black, but boring was never among them.

Sirius shrugged again and put his hands in his pockets. "I guess I was preoccupied tonight or something."

"Something on your mind?" Remus asked carefully.

"Naw, just the usual," Sirius replied vaguely and Remus didn't push it. They walked up the stairs to the flat clumsily and pushed open the door. Sirius went to say '_Lumos'_, but Remus grabbed the light switch before he had finished.

"The shirt suits you," Sirius nodded approvingly at Remus as they stood in the hallway.

"Er… Thanks. Here, I'll give it back," Remus said and took it off in one fluid motion. He handed it to Sirius and walked over to the living room, not noticing his reaction.

"Good night," Remus called over his shoulder as he started to take off his pants.

"'Night," Sirius replied and made his way to his own room, but not before stealing a glance at Remus. He cursed under his breath and locked his door when he got to his room.

Remus pulled the covers up close even though it was a hot night. There was only so much Sirius Black he could take, Remus reasoned, before his primal urges started taking over.

As he satisfied himself, he wondered when exactly Sirius had come to take over his thoughts in this manner. There was, of course, that rather poignant night with Natasha, but he wondered now if it hadn't been sometime before then. He wondered if the night he caught Sirius making love had only been the catalyst for a much bigger reaction. He came before he could deliberate further, images of Sirius dancing shirtless in his mind. He swore he heard Sirius groan from down the hall but quickly dismissed it as an alcohol-induced hallucination. As he fell to sleep, it didn't occur to him that the alcohol had worn off some time ago.


	3. Chapter 3

The hallway smelled of rotting onions and for the first time since he had arrived two weeks ago, Remus Lupin wished he was at home. He was standing outside of number four and was as out of breath as he had been that first day, only on that first day it had been because he was lugging two heavy suitcases up the stairs. He turned his key in the lock and as the door opened, sound filtered out in pieces.

"- bloody obvious whose name you called out!"

"Cassandra, please! It's not like that!" Sirius shouted back. Remus' gaze darted first to Sirius coming out of the hallway shirtless, still buttoning his pants, and the young brunette who was flushed (although with anger or something else, Remus couldn't tell) in front of him, looking quite dishevelled as if she had got dressed in a hurry. Cassandra looked at Remus for a moment and then turned back to Sirius.

"If you ever get this sorted out, give me a call," she said coolly before stepping past Remus into the hallway.

"Where the hell have you been? It's one in the bloody morning!" Sirius exclaimed once he noticed Remus in the doorway.

"What was that about?" Remus asked, his brow furrowed. He didn't particularly want to talk about where he had been or what he had been doing. His entire body ached.

"It's not important," Sirius said as he crossed through the kitchen towards Remus. "Where have you been?" he asked again.

Remus sighed and felt the weight of the world rest upon him. "We got attacked tonight."

"You _what?_ Here, sit down," Sirius said motioning to the now familiar chesterfield.

"We were attacked. Six Death Eaters."

He slumped down on the orange corduroy sofa, wincing slightly.

"Are you all right?" Sirius asked as he sat down beside him, his grey eyes focused entirely on Remus.

"I got hit. It was my fault," Remus said quietly, voicing the concern that had been running through his mind since the attack.

"It wasn't your fault," Sirius contradicted immediately. "What did you get hit with?"

"It _was_ my fault. There were two of them firing spells at once. I only had time to block one of them. I should have blocked both," Remus finished with a defeated sigh. "I don't know what the hex was. It felt like all the energy was drained from me immediately. It was… strange. I went to St. Mungo's and they were able to restore some of my energy, but I still feel all achy like I've run a marathon or something. It feels like the morning after a full moon."

"What about Elyse?" Sirius asked, referring to the auror Remus was interning with.

"She was able to take care of the others after I got hit. Before I got hit I did manage to take out two on my own though," Remus said with a half smile.

"That's impressive."

Remus shrugged. "Could you just put on tea, please?"

"Yeah, of course," Sirius replied and immediately sprang into action. Remus let his eyes droop down. He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he was being lightly shaken awake.

"Here, have some tea," Sirius said gently and held out a mug.

Remus groaned as he sat up, causing Sirius to furrow his brow in concern. "Did they give you anything to take?"

"There's a potion in my bag, if you could just…"

Sirius set down his tea and pulled out the vial of translucent violet liquid and eyed it suspiciously. He tried reading the label, but it was all in mediwizard shorthand which was as good as Greek to him. He managed to decipher that Remus had to take it twice a day. He uncorked it and sniffed it gingerly. It smelled like alcohol and something sweet that Sirius couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Do you want to take it now?" Sirius asked, putting the cork back on.

Remus shook his head. "I just want to go to sleep. It's one in the morning."

"I know… I was worried," Sirius admitted as he cradled his mug. "Just now, before you came home, I said your name instead of Cassandra's while we were…," he let his thought trail off, and gave a nervous laugh. He suddenly looked extremely embarrassed. Remus chuckled softly.

"Is that why she left in a hurry?"

"Yeah. She thought I would rather be with you. Which isn't true," Sirius added hurriedly. "I mean, you're great, but there's some things you need a woman for."

Remus nodded distractedly. He had this strange sinking feeling in his stomach and had suspicions that it wasn't just from what happened to him tonight, but also what Sirius had been doing in his absence.

"Do you ever plan on settling down?" Remus asked him as he curled and uncurled his fingers around his mug.

Sirius looked up from his tea. "I suppose, someday. Why?"

Remus shrugged half heartedly. "I just see you with all these birds and it seems like none of them are really what you're looking for."

"Christ, Moony. I'm only seventeen. All I'm looking for right now is a good shag," Sirius replied, looking rather affronted.

"Right," Remus muttered. "I should get some sleep."

"Oh. Right," Sirius said, getting up from the couch. He paused and Remus looked up at him expectantly, but nothing came except a quiet 'Good night'.

Remus lay on his back after Sirius had left the room, his eyes closed but his mind was wide awake. He hated that he cared so much about Sirius and who he slept (or didn't sleep) with. He almost wished that things had never changed between them. The easiness between them seemed to be replaced with double guessing and wanting things that would never transpire.

He wanted Sirius. He could admit that now to himself in the safety of his own mind. He whispered it into the darkness to try it out on his tongue. The words fell to an empty room and sounded foreign to his ears. The strangeness of wanting his best friend was not entirely unwanted, however. He suppose he did enjoy having an object of affection over which his thoughts could linger. He enjoyed the occasional burst of butterflies in his stomach and of course morning wanks in the shower were made more worthwhile when he had Sirius to think about.

Still, it hurt. As much as Remus busied himself with work, Sirius' companions did not escape his notice. They weren't particularly numerous and rarely stayed for breakfast, but just the thought that they got to share something more intimate than he would ever be privilege to made Remus' insides ache. When they left and never returned, Remus wondered if they knew what they were leaving behind. They thought of Sirius as a cute one night stand. Remus thought of Sirius as… If he was perfectly honest with himself, which he usually was, he thought of Sirius as the one who knew him best. Even after the prank, he thought of Sirius as the one he trusted more than anyone except perhaps his parents or Dumbledore.

He knew from past experience that when he fell for someone, he fell hard. He also knew that when he fell, it was brief. A couple weeks at most. Well, it had been a couple weeks he realized and his feelings were not fading. If anything they were getting stronger and it frightened him. He had never fallen for someone that he knew so well before. The girls that had captured his interest in the past were acquaintances at the most; girls he knew from a class or two. In his mind he made up the details he lacked to finish his version of the girl he was fantasising about. With Sirius, there were no details to make up. He knew all the details of Sirius' life, and yet that didn't deter him. He wanted Sirius for who he was, not who he thought he could be.

Remus rolled over gingerly on the sofa. He tried to avert his thoughts to anything but Sirius and the attack, but in the end he would rather think about Sirius than what happened tonight and so he fell asleep with the image of Sirius burning in his mind.

* * *

His first thought upon waking was _Moony_. Sirius quickly pulled on a housecoat and slipped down the hall into the living room where Remus was sleeping. There were quiet mutterings coming from the couch and Sirius smiled as he walked over to sit on the end of the pull-out couch.

Remus didn't wake when he sat down and so he just sat and watched him sleep for a few moments. He reached out a hand tentatively, his eyes on Remus the entire time, to touch Remus' leg nearest to him. When Remus still didn't wake, Sirius ran his fingers lightly up and down his calf, the soft hairs tickling his fingers. A small tingle of excitement ran up and down his spine, making him shiver involuntarily.

His thoughts drifted to last night. He blushed when he remembered calling Remus' name while climaxing and his stuttered explanation that he and Cassandra both knew was a lie. He let out a soft sigh. He had to do something about this… this crush. He thought that just being with women would be enough to take his mind off Remus, but it hadn't worked so far. His thoughts would go to Remus at the most inappropriate of moments, like during sex when he wished it was Remus moaning underneath him instead of an anonymous woman.

Remus gave a soft moan as if on cue. Sirius frowned slightly and rummaged through Remus' bag to find the potion from last night. He debated waking Remus, it was noon after all, but decided against it. He should sleep in today instead of going into work, Sirius reasoned. He hoped Remus agreed with him once he woke up. Remus was always determined not to miss too much class after the full moon and Sirius knew he would be the same way when he woke up after the attack.

The Attack. The words capitalised themselves in his mind. He didn't want to admit it, but he had been more worried about Remus last night then he had let on. So worried in fact that Cassandra had had to coax him into sex. That just didn't happen when you were Sirius Black. Now to see Remus sleeping peacefully beside him, Sirius' insides swelled with a strange emotion that he couldn't really pinpoint.

He set the potion down on the floor beside the couch and carefully climbed onto the makeshift bed. He stretched out so he was facing Remus, mere inches separating them. Oh how he ached to touch him, then. It took every bit of self control he had ever possessed not to kiss Remus while he slept soundly. His resolve strengthened, Sirius was quite content to lie there watching Remus sleep. That is, he was content to watch him sleep until Remus let out a small moan. Sirius watched as his self control dissolved, leaving him inches away from a vulnerable sleeping man.

'_This is so wrong,'_ he groaned in his mind. His body begged to differ. He very carefully budged forward slightly. His breath hitched and his heartbeat quickened when Remus mumbled something incomprehensible, but soon he was sleeping soundly again and Sirius relaxed. He licked his lips and brushed his lips very gently against Remus'. He quickly moved back to where he was before and watched Remus' reaction. He didn't stir, nor did he wake. Sirius trembled with need but he didn't dare risk kissing Remus again. It would be hard to explain how he came to have his lips pressed against Remus'.

After watching him sleep for a bit more, Sirius decided he needed a shower; a cold one.

When he finished, Remus was awake and staring at the ceiling.

"Moony?" he asked, uncertainly.

Remus turned towards him with a weary smile. "G'Morning."

"It's afternoon," Sirius replied with a half-smile.

"I know. Wish you would have waken me."

"You needed rest."

Remus didn't reply but climbed slowly off the pull-out couch.

"Do you want me to measure out your potion for you?" Sirius asked, standing hesitantly near the door. Almost every instinct in his body was crying for him to take this weary boy, almost man, in his arms and look after him. Almost every instinct except a poignant, tangy fear that he couldn't ignore. He stayed near the door and watched Remus' motions.

"I can do it," Remus replied and rummaged in his bag.

"Did you want to owl your parents?"

"God no," Remus said in one breathy whisper. "They worry enough as it is. If they knew about this I'd be on the first train back home."

"Can I owl James and Wormtail?"

Remus shrugged. "Do what you like."

"I thought I would invite them over some weekend."

"That would be nice," Remus replied, still preoccupied with finding his potion.

"Okay," Sirius replied and wandered into his room to find some parchment.

He scribbled down a brief summary of yesterday's events onto two pieces of parchment. As a PS he added, 'Let me know when you're coming to visit,' hoping they would make it soon. It wasn't that he wasn't enjoying have Remus about, it was just that it could get a little overwhelming sometimes and he missed having Prongs and Wormtail about to balance his attention. He attached the parchment to his own rarely used, but never forgotten, owl and watched as it took off into the London rain and faded into sight.


End file.
